This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
