"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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