I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
