i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
