I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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