Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
