I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
