TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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