don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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