I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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