If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
