i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
