I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize