My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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