I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
