i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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