lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize