I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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