IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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