girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
