Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize