i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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