a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
