honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
