i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
