I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
