what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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