If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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