I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
