She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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