Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
