first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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