Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't notice because vodka
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize