Christians are straight up FREAKS
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
