The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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