need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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