If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
