CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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