once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
