I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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