Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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