I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
