woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize