Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
