She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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