Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
