Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
