After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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