even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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