I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
