I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
