Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
