Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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