Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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