haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
