They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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