he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Everclear isn't food dammit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
