my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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