ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize