when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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