Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
