Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
