Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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